You know why it would be cool to be Lenin? Because if you got into a fight with someone and lost, you could just send the CHEKA on them

-Isabella

Where's Rassy?

Our dear friend Rasputin got himself into a little bit of trouble. So he had to hide from the aforementioned CHEKA in Moscow's school of English. It was a strenuous affair.

Luckily, though, he managed to escape unscathed. But I am nearly positive that you, dearest Russian-ites, are slightly brighter than the aforementioned CHEKA. So have a go at spotting him:

*note: In Moscow, although it is very cold outside, inside they have excessive heaters, so the Russians all wear these similar blue dresses underneath their Cossak get-ups. It's not like a uniform or anything...

Forty years I've been at sea. A war at sea. A war with no battles, no monuments... only casualties.

- Captain Marko Ramius (unfortunately, he is fictional)

Quick question, avid readers, what do you get when you use a talent-less (don't hate me, but it's true!) Scotsman to play a ravishing Russian? Catastrophe, my friends, CATASTROPHE!

In"The Hunt for Red October" Sean Connery plays the role of Captain Marko Ramius, whose brilliance I have provided an insight to in the heading of this post, but for more head to imdb. Now, if you are a fan of Mr. Sir (that's debatable) Connery you may not enjoy this post as others, but do not disregard it if you have not seen the film.

Playing a Russian, Connery does not even attempt a Russian accent. It is heart-breaking. And cringe-worthy. Granted, this film did win an Oscar. For Sound Editing. It's like, "you were good, but not good enough, so we'll just give you one of the pissy awards". It's a bit of a joke really. Just like Connery's accent!

As odd as it seems that a big-Hollywood film would be so plain and irksome it is true. And it's not the first, or sadly last time that a potentially heroic and, dare I say it, epic film is completely ravaged. Watch the trailer to see what I mean:

Looks epic (that word again) right? Until you hear Connery's accent! It doesn't deserve this long and detailed post, in fact I could fit the true statement onto twitter:

WTF?!?!

The Bolsheviks did not inherit a ship of state, they took over a derelict hulk

- Lynch (whoever the fuck he is)

Goodmorning everyone. I have decided that it must be unnerving following a blog with any amount of audacity without someone/s at the figure head.

So, this is what we look like:

I can tell you're impressed. Elizabeth is keeping it real with the flagon of vodka in hand on the right and yours truly is the dark-lipped squealer on the left. In this picture we are not at lady gaga or infact in melbourne at all, this photograph was captured within the confines of the russian federation. As far-fetched as this all sounds, it is infact very much true. a long time ago we took a year long sabbatical in the land of the cossak to observe, gather information and draw conclusions upon our favourite eastern european nation - on site as it were.

It is from this very venture that we source information upon the fall of the soviet empire, current russians worth knowing and it was there that we compiled an album of all the places that we spotted Ra Ra Rasputin (lover of the Russian queen) a - lurking.

I trust that this revelation has made for amusing reading, and i wish you all a very pleasant week.

Kronstadt-out!

Government is an association of men who do violence to the rest of us

- Tolstoy

RUSSIAN OF THE WEEK

Thats right my darling little soviets, once more we will focus our attention upon another great russian of note! This week : VLADIMIR PUTIN

Its no secret that the acting prime minister of the russian federation (previously presidente) cuts a pretty lean figure - and has consequently been identified as the gay symbol of eastern europe. Kind of like a slavic Kylie...without the hot pants and botched face-lift. Also renound for his physical exploits, Putin is a black belt in judo and has infact released his own "How-to" judo dvd:JUDO-LICIOUS! According to my sources (wikipedia) Putin was kicking some serious ass on the judo matway back when St Petersburg was still called Leningrad. Unfortunately he was not the first world leader to practise judo, but is the highest ranked amongst his peers and even had the nerve to pull out some of the old moves during his most recent visit to Japan. LOVING IT!

Anyone who doesn't regret the passing of the Soviet Union has no heart. Anyone who wants it restored has no brains

-Vladmir Putin

Top 5: discoveries we made whilst we were away and/or not blogging

1. Lady Gaga totally ripped of Boney M! Why? The following is why:
Ra-ra NOT followed by ah-ah-ah ro-ma ro-ma-ma gaga oh la la BUT ACTUALLY FOLLOWED BY Rasputin!
Get it? RA-RA Rasputin! Ra-ra...ah-ah-ah ro-ma and so on. Totally ripped off! She also took the "Mum-mum-mum-mah" in Poker Face from Boney M, so she clearly is a fan (I mean, lets face it who isn't?). I feel Boney M should get some credit for the mega-hit that is Bad Romance.

2. Robert Pattinson is the re-incarnation of Leon Trotsky! Seriously, check this shit OUT:

Also, Zach Braff and the Colonel (as in, that random guy always seen at KFC but for some reason isn't morbidly obese) have uncanny resemblances to the uber babe of Trotsky:

I will definitely be eating at KFC more! This also proves that an aged Trotsky is still a fox. For the rest of my life I will be turned on at the sight of a KFC that most will presume is some deep-psychological issue but is really just caused by the Colonel Trostky-ness.

3. This is possibly the most agreeable facebook group: There should be a mid year exam for VCE Revolutions History! Brilliant, sums up my feelings entirely. If there were a mid-year, I'm 99.99 per cent positive I would have received a better score.

4. Speaking of better scores, apparently it wasn't that hard to do well. Some completely random friends of a friend got ridiculously amazing marks, and spoke as if the exam was easy. I've meet neither of these two assholes (sorry, jerks, no not that one, bitchezz? Nope not that either, hm what about anti-revolutionaries? Yep that's it) ANTI-REVOLUTIONARIES but I hate them alot my dearest readers and so should you. Unless you to got an amazing mark also, then you should hate yourself.

5. I also discovered inner peace.

A number of persons arrive at one common objective by different means.All ways or methods of fulfilling a certain intention end in the same results

-Ruski Proverb

We're back!

Oh, fellow avid-readers I know that you are rejoicing at this news. For your heart must have ached these past months when we were absent. But fear not, rawr russia (I still can't pronounce it) is back! Soon will be an extra amazing "Where's Rassy?" and even sooner will be a "Russian of the week", a prosperous one no doubt.

But in the mean time, here are some other interesting Russian Revolutionary sites you can read:

....



There are NONE! As interesting as this at least. We have set a standard, one no one else can live up to. And that burden on our shoulders is pressing hard, but we feel we can live up to your expectations.

Enjoy life, my friends, but most importantly, enjoy Russia!

All are not cooks that walk with long knives

-Russian proverb

The Top 5: reasons why we haven't been posting!
1. We are no longer required to study the amazing Russian revolution, and although that is a little sad, it's really more of a cause for celebration.
2. The exam of previously mentioned study was, well, not as good as expected. And thus, this just brings back memories of how bad I did.
3. Inspiration is hard to come by when you no longer need to spend hours filling your head with pointless facts about the Kulaks (when it's not even on the f***ing exam!) and can instead, be outside enjoying the weather, shopping or getting wasted.
4. I went way overboard during the October Revolution, averaging one-post a day for 4 days. That's too much.
5. I don't think anyone is reading this...