I wanna have cosmos with her and bitch about the industry. I wanna wear a corset to the chemists and have an army of transvestites do my bidding.

- A Lady Gaga lover and desperate wannabe (aka, Isabella)

In my last post revolutions ago, I did a top 5 of reasons why Trotsky would hate hipsters. That was so much fun, I'm going to do a similar post this time round: REASONS WHY HIPSTERS FUCKING SUCK!

Haha! No, enough with the hipster hate already. It's getting old. The REAL idea was things Trotsky would love if he wasn't murdered by an ice pick (but I have recently discovered it was more of an "ice axe". Is there that much of a difference? Hit me up in the comments fine fellows) in Mexico at the orders of that villainous Stalin.

The first order of business is to discuss what gives something the Trotsky tick of approval. That's easy; it must simply be epic. Or hot. Better still, both. Originality also helps, but being a blatant rip off of something currently epic (a la Christina Aguilera's new voyage into Gaga territory ) leads to a top 5 of reasons why Trotsky hate's you. And THAT my friends, is worse than an appalling review from Pitchfork.

Trotsky loves Gaga. Because let's be honest, nobody doesn't. And if you don't, you are in serious denial and the pain of having to keep it bottled up inside of you will send you crazy, or gaga which is my theory as to the name choice. Everything she does is incredible, and her whole "embrace your inner freak" and don't give a shit about what anyone else thinks would bring a tear to Trotsky's eye and I'm sure he would be on the "freak" side, given his circumstances. Furthermore, Lady Gaga knows what it takes to be successful and she's extremely intelligent in the formation of her image and the establishment of the "Haus of Gaga". Overall, she is strategic. Just like Trotsky was!

This post is getting too long, so what do we think revolutionaries/little monsters? I'm pretty certain Trotsky would dis-like Katy Perry and he WAS a fan of MGMT but this new direction they have taken is less him. Although he find's "It's Working" quite a delight with a sweet film clip to boot. He wouldn't put up with their bat-shit crazy live shows though, Trotsky does not enjoy a sucky liver performance where they go they entire show, building up to their greatest song and don't even play it!

Trotsky also approves of True Blood.

I think it’s illegal to text and razor scoot at the same time, but whatever. I live dangerously.

-Look at this fucking hipster (see picture below)

Top 5: reasons why Trotsky would hate hipsters!


1. Trotsky was an idealist, as I am sure you are all well aware. Hipsters are just ironic, and it get's old real quickly.


2. Have you SEEN "Look at this fucking hipster"? How can you not hate, Trotsy would be NO exception.





3. As one who wanted CHANGE, Trostky would be disgusted that the whole sub-culture of hipsterdom is a completely un-original; "take your grandmother's sweater and Bob Dylan's wayferers, add jean shorts, Converse All-Stars and a can of Pabst and bam- hipster!"

4. If the revolutionaries were around today, Stalin would probably be a hipster. But then again, I think Lenin would have been an indie. Trotsky would have steered clear of any unconforming conformity and just been himself.

5. Trotsky didn't give a shit if anything was cool or not!

Anyone who doesn't regret the passing of the Soviet Union has no heart. Anyone who wants it restored has no brains

-Vladmir Putin

Top 5: discoveries we made whilst we were away and/or not blogging

1. Lady Gaga totally ripped of Boney M! Why? The following is why:
Ra-ra NOT followed by ah-ah-ah ro-ma ro-ma-ma gaga oh la la BUT ACTUALLY FOLLOWED BY Rasputin!
Get it? RA-RA Rasputin! Ra-ra...ah-ah-ah ro-ma and so on. Totally ripped off! She also took the "Mum-mum-mum-mah" in Poker Face from Boney M, so she clearly is a fan (I mean, lets face it who isn't?). I feel Boney M should get some credit for the mega-hit that is Bad Romance.

2. Robert Pattinson is the re-incarnation of Leon Trotsky! Seriously, check this shit OUT:

Also, Zach Braff and the Colonel (as in, that random guy always seen at KFC but for some reason isn't morbidly obese) have uncanny resemblances to the uber babe of Trotsky:

I will definitely be eating at KFC more! This also proves that an aged Trotsky is still a fox. For the rest of my life I will be turned on at the sight of a KFC that most will presume is some deep-psychological issue but is really just caused by the Colonel Trostky-ness.

3. This is possibly the most agreeable facebook group: There should be a mid year exam for VCE Revolutions History! Brilliant, sums up my feelings entirely. If there were a mid-year, I'm 99.99 per cent positive I would have received a better score.

4. Speaking of better scores, apparently it wasn't that hard to do well. Some completely random friends of a friend got ridiculously amazing marks, and spoke as if the exam was easy. I've meet neither of these two assholes (sorry, jerks, no not that one, bitchezz? Nope not that either, hm what about anti-revolutionaries? Yep that's it) ANTI-REVOLUTIONARIES but I hate them alot my dearest readers and so should you. Unless you to got an amazing mark also, then you should hate yourself.

5. I also discovered inner peace.

Our rising has been victorious

-Trotsky

Hallelujah! Wikipedia FINALLY caught on, so if you were to read their "on this day" list TODAY you would find yourself informed about the events of this very day in 1917. Of course, you needn't visit wiki for all the information you need is right HERE. And it's more in-depth. Wiki has like a sentence on it (and it's incorrect, it said the revolution started today. WRONG, it started YESTERDAY!). Pretty disappointing really, I mean it is one of the biggest events ever to happen in the history of man kind. They may as well have just left it out completely.

So, as its November the 7th (25 October in the Julian calender) it was day 2 of the October revolution. Here's the low-down:
-Red Guard storm the Winter Palace at 2.10 am
-Kerensky escapes, however, and is protected by the American Embassy
-The Provisional Government is arrested and imprisoned in the Peter and Paul Fortress (cool name right) and the ministers resigned to 'fate' and surrendered without a fight, and the PG was officially overthrown
-Trotsky dismisses Menshevik and SR opposition from congress
-Petrograd Soviet now in control of Government, garrison and proletariat

And to think, Wikipedia didn't think this more important than "The London Gazette, the oldest surviving English language newspaper, was first published as the Oxford Gazette." What a cop out.

The amazing feat that was the October revolution is something that we all should recognize, if not celebrate. Whether or not what became of the Bolsheviks after 1917, and their impact on Russian society is irrelevant. Barack Obama got a Nobel peace prize because of his ideas (practically...) but he hasn't done anything yet, and neither had Lenin. But he had envisaged a Utopian society of peace and equality. It is for this reason alone why we should be educated about the October revolution and so that all of us can know that there are some who realise our class-based, capitalist-money-grabbing-orphan-creating society is not idealistic.

Oh, it's also free slurpee day.

History will not forgive us if we do not assume power

-Lenin



Look back young ones, look back 92 years. 92 years to this VERY day. What do you see? Is it perhaps, one of the most historically significant events in the modern world? Why yes it is.

This day, 92 years ago, the October Revolution began. "But", you say, "it's the OCTOBER revolution, we are currently in NOVEMBER. You MUST be wrong." Huh! YOU, my dear, are wrong. See, it was October in Russia but for the rest of us it was November simply because Russia was still using the Julian calendar, whilst the rest of the world was using the updated Gregorian calendar. Russia was a little behind, as it was in most other areas.

Anyway, this was DAY 1, of 10 days of Bolshevik takeover. This is what happened:
-Trotsky distributes arms to Red Guard
-Petrograd Garrison rebels against the Provisional Government claiming that it is a "tool of the enemies of the people"
-Systematic capture of key communication, installations and vantage points
The significance?
Kerensky was powerless to stop armed uprising by the Bolsheviks.

Yep, the beginning of the most important events in our history (OK, one of the most important ones...jeez) and it's not even on the Wikipedia "on this day" list. WHAT GIVES WIKI?

Anyway, check this space (I've always wanted to say that) to find out what happens next!

(Also, I'm pretty sure that cartoon is mocking communism AND The Age, seriously is it just me or is that The Age logo on the top? Ten buck says it was in the Herald Sun...pfft!)

Any stick will do to beat a thief, but only a rouble will help you with an official

-Russian proverb

Heartbreak by Bella, a short story

There once was a girl named Bella, whose bright eyes and crazy-sexy hair would cause many to fall for her. Those men, the ones who could not resist the fire of Bella, all ended up the same way; broken hearted. Bella, a descendant from the sexy-as-possible Camille Desmoulins, is what is rumoured to be the last ever vela! What comes before you know is a tale of murder, heart ache, lust and feminism!

Despite popular opinion, the Russian revolution was not a result of the toiling masses revolting against the unfair hierarchy, but because Lenin was a victim of cruel Bella’s enjoyment. His actions were out of dire frustration at her lack of neutral feelings. She toyed him along, and then broke his heart. He was in pieces, and he took his revenge upon the Russian autocratic system. Lenin did not die of a stroke, but of a severed heart!

Devastation occurred when Bella’s next prey became evident. Trotsky, a charming and handsome young lad who would have been capable of reeling in any girl set his sights upon Bella. But Bella did as she always did; took advantage of his adoration. She was a temptress alright. She played him just as she played Lenin. And this one ended much, much, worse!

Heartbroken after being played and turned down, Trotsky went on a bender. With 100 per cent pure Russian vodka. It didn’t end well. The story gets busy here, with varying accounts. Something about Mexican food, and a tooth pick for ice...

But what is for sure, is that Trotsky didn’t make it past that night.

But when Bella played with the heart of a man named Joseph Stalin, it was to have severe consequences. Stalin was a man who would not be messed with, and when Bella left him he took his revenge by STARVING the population of Russia. It was a sad and horrific period, but heartbreak by Bella will cause insanity.

There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances.

-Leon Trotsky

The top 5: things that make me as crazy as Rasputin

1. People who don't speak Russian (Russian revolution that is).
2. Not being able to visit and be in a relatively close proximity to Lenin's skin.
3. Mr. Davies not showing us Anastasia, even though he said he would, because it's not historically correct enough but he feels quite content to show as Marie Antoinette.
4. Stalin destroying the work Lenin had done by ousting Trotsky and then sending one of his cronies to stab him in the skull with an ice pick in Mexico; not cool Stalin, NOT COOL!
5. Coles customers (refer to a previous post for how this relates to the Russian revolution and/or Russia).

There is no example in history of a revolutionary movement involving such gigantic masses being so bloodless.

-Leon Trotsky

Where's Rassy?