He felt his heart pounding fiercely in his chest. How strange that in his dread of death, it pumped all the harder, valiantly keeping him alive.

- J.K. Rowling; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Where to begin? It has indeed been a long time, comrades, since our last post. We even forgot to mention the anniversary of significant revolutionary events.

The end of an era, gone, finir, concluded, the final chapter written. Although this is somewhat relevant to Isabella and I finishing VCE, I was mainly referencing Harry Potter.

Unless you live in a cupboard under the stairs (ZING!), I assume you will be completely aware that quite recently the (wait for it...) first of a two-part series of the final Harry Potter movie was released.

Deathly Hallows (or DH as it will be henceforth named because I cannot be bothered typing it all out- not that I actually have anything better to do but that is beside the point) was released to an atmosphere of anticipation, excitement and despair. This all sounds horribly corny and clichéd and you could no doubt find a whole heap of this shit on tumblr but I feel so saddened by the near-end of the Harry Potter franchise (which I'd like to add sums up my childhood- and of course millions of others so that I am in no way unique- in a nutshell) that I had to do something to cheer myself up, and this is it:

WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS RASPUTIN: HARRY POTTER EDITION

Enjoy, my friends, as I have done so!

Strength rating: 1 galleon and 15 knuts

Hooray for me because I'm entirely certain no other HP fan has done this. Yay for unique-ness!

russian spy

russian spy by rawrrussia featuring pointed toe pumps

Better a dove on the plate than a woodgrouse in the mating place

-Russian proverb

Top 5: Celebrities who would like rawr russia

1. Lady GaGa. For obvious reasons.

2. Baio from Vampire Weekend. Not only did he STUDY RUSSIAN but he has also been known to tweet about Trotsky and another Russian-esque things. And he's from Vampire Weekend, so he would no doubt like cool, weird, different things so he can talk about them in interviews and seem really smart. Did I mention that I met this guy? WHY DIDN'T I PLUG?

3. Kate Beckinsale. Fairly obvious, as she studied French and RUSSIAN at OFXORD. Smart, Russian= rawr russia.

4. Keira Knightley. I love her bangs, and wish mine would look like that. They don't. But apart from being the most annoying character in Pirates of the Caribbean (although Will Turner wasn't exactly fun, and let's face it JD made that movie. Jack Sparrow is so foine) she also starred in a remake of Doctor Zhivago, and no one could pick up and agree to do that script unless they had a solid admiration for the Russian epic.

5. Katy Perry. Because Gaga reads it, Katy Perry would jump on board too. Mainly just to grab some quick, shallow attention (like her exploits at a recent formal) and she will succeed. I'll die a little inside, but deep down I know that I'd happily sell out. For the good of the world really, because everyone should read this blog, it'll make their meaningless lives that much better.

Anyway, if you happen to KNOW any of these people, let them now because I think they would appreciate the fine genius of yours truly (and Isabella).

Peace out y'all

I just wanna have lots of great sex with famous people

-Who do you think?

Alas, Where's Rassy is NO MORE! Yes, my friends, he has finally been destroyed, crushed, mutilated and unable to be seen from his various positions, namely on walls at a distance. Instead we here at Rawr Russia bring you:

WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS RASPUTIN?

Which is basically just the same thing, except Rassy journeys and hides to new, more interesting places and there he hides himself by mounting on walls (surprisingly, not women) and such. Enjoy!

Strength rating: 3.72 beards

Then my father gave me a car...and my chances dropped even lower

-Black Lightning

Ahoy, fellow comrades!

I feel your pain, at the apparent demise of RAWR RUSSIA, but do not fear. We are back. And boy, do we have some news for you!

First, the ever-charming Isabella made an awfully brilliant discovery:

That's right my dear fellows, a Russian restaurant named 'RASPUTIN' (a part of me hopes that in the true spirit of Rassy, they constantly throw orgy's and wild sex parties here) in our very own city! Oh the joy! We should hit it up on the anniversary of the October revolution (or not, if my sex-party theory turns out to be true, unless y'all are into that stuff...).

But in more spectacular Russian related news (if that is even possible) the RUSSIAN RESURRECTION FILM FESTIVAL is about to hit our shores! Ohhh lordy, to what do we owe this amazing pleasure?

Isabella and yours truly were lucky enough to see "We are from the future" last year, you can read Isabella's review here.

I personally, am partial to BLACK LIGHTENING, a fast-paced, car-flying, super-hero type movie:

Isabella, oddly enough, is more interested in LADY PASSENGER, some snooze-fest about two women on a boat who get hit on by a bunch of sleezy dudes. So, alas, we cannot agree on which to see but why don't you hit us up in the comments and give your suggestion.

But just make sure you get along to THE COMO between the 25th of August and the 5th of September for a truly wonderful.

Here's one more just to truly show you the delights of thee Russian cinema:

"Mexico!"

- Socialist and blogger extraordinaire

TOP SEVEN THINGS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO SINK A NAZI SHIP IN RAGE*

1. No longer studying Revs as a subject and having to listen to the new class talking about the escalation of the revolution with all the vigour and excitement that my collegue and I once did, and longing for the thrill that came with my revolutionary virginity

2. Never having time to do fun things like reading silly novels and googling notable Russians, because The Man keeps me busy with homework and SAC preparation

3. Coming home to find that there is a tragic lacking in dairy products in my fridge (ie: milk, yoghurt, cheese...) for comforting purposes

4. My estranged history teacher refusing to add me on facebook or even text me back because he either:
A) Thinks I'm a freak of the slightly stalker-y nature (which holds perhaps some truth)
OR
B) He thinks that talking to me is inappropriate because he used to be my teacher - which I don't think is an excuse at all
OR
C) He doesn't like me as a person - which I think is the least likely as we got on like a house on fire when he was my teacher and he referred to me as "memorable", so NOT a throw away line

5. The tassels off my fox fur stole falling off because it has been poorly cared for by it's previous owner, and not being able to restore it to its previous vampish glory due to an ongoing absence of income

6. Learning that History Revolutions was NOT marked up last year, and that I have foolishly been quoting a false figure as a study score

7. Not being able to rent "Che Part Two: Guerrilla" from my dvd rental place because they lost a copy and the other two are onloan and have been re-newed repeatedly.

*Of course in reference to the sinking of the German ship the Goya in 1945 by recipient of the Gold Star Medal of the Hero of the Soviet Union - Vladimir Konovalov

I wanna have cosmos with her and bitch about the industry. I wanna wear a corset to the chemists and have an army of transvestites do my bidding.

- A Lady Gaga lover and desperate wannabe (aka, Isabella)

In my last post revolutions ago, I did a top 5 of reasons why Trotsky would hate hipsters. That was so much fun, I'm going to do a similar post this time round: REASONS WHY HIPSTERS FUCKING SUCK!

Haha! No, enough with the hipster hate already. It's getting old. The REAL idea was things Trotsky would love if he wasn't murdered by an ice pick (but I have recently discovered it was more of an "ice axe". Is there that much of a difference? Hit me up in the comments fine fellows) in Mexico at the orders of that villainous Stalin.

The first order of business is to discuss what gives something the Trotsky tick of approval. That's easy; it must simply be epic. Or hot. Better still, both. Originality also helps, but being a blatant rip off of something currently epic (a la Christina Aguilera's new voyage into Gaga territory ) leads to a top 5 of reasons why Trotsky hate's you. And THAT my friends, is worse than an appalling review from Pitchfork.

Trotsky loves Gaga. Because let's be honest, nobody doesn't. And if you don't, you are in serious denial and the pain of having to keep it bottled up inside of you will send you crazy, or gaga which is my theory as to the name choice. Everything she does is incredible, and her whole "embrace your inner freak" and don't give a shit about what anyone else thinks would bring a tear to Trotsky's eye and I'm sure he would be on the "freak" side, given his circumstances. Furthermore, Lady Gaga knows what it takes to be successful and she's extremely intelligent in the formation of her image and the establishment of the "Haus of Gaga". Overall, she is strategic. Just like Trotsky was!

This post is getting too long, so what do we think revolutionaries/little monsters? I'm pretty certain Trotsky would dis-like Katy Perry and he WAS a fan of MGMT but this new direction they have taken is less him. Although he find's "It's Working" quite a delight with a sweet film clip to boot. He wouldn't put up with their bat-shit crazy live shows though, Trotsky does not enjoy a sucky liver performance where they go they entire show, building up to their greatest song and don't even play it!

Trotsky also approves of True Blood.

There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances.

- Leon Trotsky (ily)


What are we thinking about Russian roulette you guys?

I was avoiding my psychology study today and checking out Rhianna's new S&M themed video clip "Te Amo" when I stumbled upon another of her clips entitled "Russian Roulette", and being such an advocate of things that are Russian, I took it upon myself to do further research.
Wiki tells me that the main demographic for Russian Roulette type horseplay is a male, depressed/intoxicated, white one with a peak age of aroung 25. Surprisingly one of the most famous Russian Roulette players was Malcom X - take from that what you will; although rumour was he palmed the revolver to convince his peers that he didn't fear death, when really he was a lying pussy.

For those not in the "know", Russian Roulette involves loading one bullet into a 6 round revolver, spinning the cylinder and taking turns in taking the muzzle to one's temple and pulling the trigger. Inevitably someone will die - when played with 2 people the chances of death increase by a 6th each time, as the cylinder is not respun. Same goes for with 6 people, although the 6th person in line if often favourited, despite the fact that there is an equal chance of death for everyone playing.
Im not quite sure what to make of it - it seems batshit crazy if you don't have a death wish, and if you do infact have a death wish, then you're just wasting time. It has appeared alot in pop culture unsurprisingly, but how much does it actually occur in real life I wonder?

"I love Cluedo! It's just the best game!"
"Yeah, I'm actually more of a Russian Roulette kind of guy myself, but Cluedo is cool too I guess."

Is it a rare amusement, like a cuban cigar or a lapdance? Or are we talking a regular thing like recreational drug taking or golf? I need answers.

Valentin Parnakh was his fav revolutionary jazz musician, and hes pretty big on beyonce

-Isabella (on Trotsky's musical preference)

Where's Rassy?




Strenth rating: 4 beards

Good luck fellow revolutionaries!

I think it’s illegal to text and razor scoot at the same time, but whatever. I live dangerously.

-Look at this fucking hipster (see picture below)

Top 5: reasons why Trotsky would hate hipsters!


1. Trotsky was an idealist, as I am sure you are all well aware. Hipsters are just ironic, and it get's old real quickly.


2. Have you SEEN "Look at this fucking hipster"? How can you not hate, Trotsy would be NO exception.





3. As one who wanted CHANGE, Trostky would be disgusted that the whole sub-culture of hipsterdom is a completely un-original; "take your grandmother's sweater and Bob Dylan's wayferers, add jean shorts, Converse All-Stars and a can of Pabst and bam- hipster!"

4. If the revolutionaries were around today, Stalin would probably be a hipster. But then again, I think Lenin would have been an indie. Trotsky would have steered clear of any unconforming conformity and just been himself.

5. Trotsky didn't give a shit if anything was cool or not!

Better to die standing than to live on your knees

- Che Guevara

This is from when we went to Mexico:
We were going after Trotsky, word had got out that some deranged cossack warrior had a ice pick in his hand luggage and was ready to use it to bring down one of the greatest revolutionary figures this world has seen.
Elizabeth maintianed a positive outlook, but I (quite rightly) feared for the worst. May god rest his Russki soul.
But, theres no use crying in the breast milk - go watch "Che: The Argentine" Its like a docu-film-entary on the revolution he headed in Cuba. Benicio Del Toro is Cuba-licious as the leading man.
I give it 4.5 cossacks.

You know why it would be cool to be Lenin? Because if you got into a fight with someone and lost, you could just send the CHEKA on them

-Isabella

Where's Rassy?

Our dear friend Rasputin got himself into a little bit of trouble. So he had to hide from the aforementioned CHEKA in Moscow's school of English. It was a strenuous affair.

Luckily, though, he managed to escape unscathed. But I am nearly positive that you, dearest Russian-ites, are slightly brighter than the aforementioned CHEKA. So have a go at spotting him:

*note: In Moscow, although it is very cold outside, inside they have excessive heaters, so the Russians all wear these similar blue dresses underneath their Cossak get-ups. It's not like a uniform or anything...

Forty years I've been at sea. A war at sea. A war with no battles, no monuments... only casualties.

- Captain Marko Ramius (unfortunately, he is fictional)

Quick question, avid readers, what do you get when you use a talent-less (don't hate me, but it's true!) Scotsman to play a ravishing Russian? Catastrophe, my friends, CATASTROPHE!

In"The Hunt for Red October" Sean Connery plays the role of Captain Marko Ramius, whose brilliance I have provided an insight to in the heading of this post, but for more head to imdb. Now, if you are a fan of Mr. Sir (that's debatable) Connery you may not enjoy this post as others, but do not disregard it if you have not seen the film.

Playing a Russian, Connery does not even attempt a Russian accent. It is heart-breaking. And cringe-worthy. Granted, this film did win an Oscar. For Sound Editing. It's like, "you were good, but not good enough, so we'll just give you one of the pissy awards". It's a bit of a joke really. Just like Connery's accent!

As odd as it seems that a big-Hollywood film would be so plain and irksome it is true. And it's not the first, or sadly last time that a potentially heroic and, dare I say it, epic film is completely ravaged. Watch the trailer to see what I mean:

Looks epic (that word again) right? Until you hear Connery's accent! It doesn't deserve this long and detailed post, in fact I could fit the true statement onto twitter:

WTF?!?!

The Bolsheviks did not inherit a ship of state, they took over a derelict hulk

- Lynch (whoever the fuck he is)

Goodmorning everyone. I have decided that it must be unnerving following a blog with any amount of audacity without someone/s at the figure head.

So, this is what we look like:

I can tell you're impressed. Elizabeth is keeping it real with the flagon of vodka in hand on the right and yours truly is the dark-lipped squealer on the left. In this picture we are not at lady gaga or infact in melbourne at all, this photograph was captured within the confines of the russian federation. As far-fetched as this all sounds, it is infact very much true. a long time ago we took a year long sabbatical in the land of the cossak to observe, gather information and draw conclusions upon our favourite eastern european nation - on site as it were.

It is from this very venture that we source information upon the fall of the soviet empire, current russians worth knowing and it was there that we compiled an album of all the places that we spotted Ra Ra Rasputin (lover of the Russian queen) a - lurking.

I trust that this revelation has made for amusing reading, and i wish you all a very pleasant week.

Kronstadt-out!

Government is an association of men who do violence to the rest of us

- Tolstoy

RUSSIAN OF THE WEEK

Thats right my darling little soviets, once more we will focus our attention upon another great russian of note! This week : VLADIMIR PUTIN

Its no secret that the acting prime minister of the russian federation (previously presidente) cuts a pretty lean figure - and has consequently been identified as the gay symbol of eastern europe. Kind of like a slavic Kylie...without the hot pants and botched face-lift. Also renound for his physical exploits, Putin is a black belt in judo and has infact released his own "How-to" judo dvd:JUDO-LICIOUS! According to my sources (wikipedia) Putin was kicking some serious ass on the judo matway back when St Petersburg was still called Leningrad. Unfortunately he was not the first world leader to practise judo, but is the highest ranked amongst his peers and even had the nerve to pull out some of the old moves during his most recent visit to Japan. LOVING IT!

Anyone who doesn't regret the passing of the Soviet Union has no heart. Anyone who wants it restored has no brains

-Vladmir Putin

Top 5: discoveries we made whilst we were away and/or not blogging

1. Lady Gaga totally ripped of Boney M! Why? The following is why:
Ra-ra NOT followed by ah-ah-ah ro-ma ro-ma-ma gaga oh la la BUT ACTUALLY FOLLOWED BY Rasputin!
Get it? RA-RA Rasputin! Ra-ra...ah-ah-ah ro-ma and so on. Totally ripped off! She also took the "Mum-mum-mum-mah" in Poker Face from Boney M, so she clearly is a fan (I mean, lets face it who isn't?). I feel Boney M should get some credit for the mega-hit that is Bad Romance.

2. Robert Pattinson is the re-incarnation of Leon Trotsky! Seriously, check this shit OUT:

Also, Zach Braff and the Colonel (as in, that random guy always seen at KFC but for some reason isn't morbidly obese) have uncanny resemblances to the uber babe of Trotsky:

I will definitely be eating at KFC more! This also proves that an aged Trotsky is still a fox. For the rest of my life I will be turned on at the sight of a KFC that most will presume is some deep-psychological issue but is really just caused by the Colonel Trostky-ness.

3. This is possibly the most agreeable facebook group: There should be a mid year exam for VCE Revolutions History! Brilliant, sums up my feelings entirely. If there were a mid-year, I'm 99.99 per cent positive I would have received a better score.

4. Speaking of better scores, apparently it wasn't that hard to do well. Some completely random friends of a friend got ridiculously amazing marks, and spoke as if the exam was easy. I've meet neither of these two assholes (sorry, jerks, no not that one, bitchezz? Nope not that either, hm what about anti-revolutionaries? Yep that's it) ANTI-REVOLUTIONARIES but I hate them alot my dearest readers and so should you. Unless you to got an amazing mark also, then you should hate yourself.

5. I also discovered inner peace.

A number of persons arrive at one common objective by different means.All ways or methods of fulfilling a certain intention end in the same results

-Ruski Proverb

We're back!

Oh, fellow avid-readers I know that you are rejoicing at this news. For your heart must have ached these past months when we were absent. But fear not, rawr russia (I still can't pronounce it) is back! Soon will be an extra amazing "Where's Rassy?" and even sooner will be a "Russian of the week", a prosperous one no doubt.

But in the mean time, here are some other interesting Russian Revolutionary sites you can read:

....



There are NONE! As interesting as this at least. We have set a standard, one no one else can live up to. And that burden on our shoulders is pressing hard, but we feel we can live up to your expectations.

Enjoy life, my friends, but most importantly, enjoy Russia!